


TrAnSpArEnT aGoNy/Gasoline

by MadameWaffleCakes



Series: Like Breath On A Mirror [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Looking into LE's fucked-up head for just a moment, Sadstuck, but what even is a moment anyway, for caliborn? A moment is infinite., mentions mind rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 22:22:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11610150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameWaffleCakes/pseuds/MadameWaffleCakes
Summary: 17282928493938BLUEREDYELLOWPUREBLUEBLACKORANGEGREENUMBERSNUMBERSNUMBERSBUMBERSCOLORSCOLORSCOLORSCOLORSCOLORSCOLORSCOLORSTIMETIMETIMETIMETIMETIMETIMETIMEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABAJFKABAKCLSLAHDLKL





	TrAnSpArEnT aGoNy/Gasoline

_And throughought all of paradox space,_  
_You can't wake up. This is not a dream._  
[]  
I wish I could.  
I feel like i'm constantly in limbo between fuzzy wakefullness and uncomfortable, restless sleep.  
I itch beneath my skin to move, stretch, make a noise, do _anything._  
...  
Cold silence. 

>Your holding cell of a body is cruel. 

And a crude one at that.  
What did I do to get here? To deserve this?  
I _have_ met other versions of me before. They are assholes.  
But I never wanted to hurt anybody!  
I was so terrified of this day.  
Afraid of what i'd become a part of, _who_ i'd become a part of.  
Who I would hurt.  
But you can't rewind forever. 

The silence breaks. 

More screams. 

LIGHTSLIGHTSLIGHTIGHTSCOLORSCOLORSCOLORSCOLORS--

I shouldn't be alive. 

I should have never survived in the first place. 

It should have been Calliope, having fun with her friends, enjoying her life, living in her own body.  
It should have been Calliope, giggling with Roxy, flirting with Jane, drawing with Jade.  
It should have been Calliope, bringing joy, healing hurt, sparing lives. 

>And yet, here you are. 

........

>You can feel scratch's influence creep across your brain, numbing your conciousness once again.

>He doesn't want you to struggle like the first time you watched everyone fry to their painful eternal death.

>You regretted everything you had ever done when that had happened.

>Something in you changed.

>And now you know pain like no one else. 

>No one else still in existence, at least.

_'Please...... Stop this.'_ your unworded desires are only a whisper to the vast cosmos. 

All left of conciouskind seems to chime in with your hopeless reaching out. _'Someone...... Anyone..... Save the waking world..... Save the dreaming dead....._

>You're slipping again.

_I must be a flaw in the code/_

>Falling down.

>Forced surrender.

>..........

>Mind rape, you can feel violating every part of your thoughts. Forcing you to lose your grip, to fade away into the noise outside your body.

>It's Doc Scratch pulling your train of thought away from you once again, pulling what was left of your _autonomy_ away from you again.

>You're only left the guilt and the distant tick-tick-ticking of the clock.

> _A cruel clock that your idiot younger self made sure will **never** render your death justified. Let alone heroic._

_These voices won't leave me alone/_

>.......

>Even the silence is tense, like holding your breath. Or perhaps, straining for it whislt held underwater. 

>You sleep restlessly.

_I once tread on gold/_  
_And my hands are/_  
_Cold._

**Author's Note:**

> I may do this sort of one-shot again at some point. Same concept, more words.
> 
> Also, that last bit with the dreaming dead? 
> 
> If you're familliar with the homestuck soundtrack, that's a hint for what's coming up. uwu


End file.
